Girl, I Don't Want Your Man. Promise

When I was little I didn't understand why I didn't fit in with my peers, specifically the girls. I remember not understanding how to navigate the cliques in elementary, I remember both parties trying to become my friend when they would fight, and I remember putting them back together just so they would leave me alone. In middle school, I didn't understand make-up and playing games to get boys attention. In high school, I didn't understand sex and drugs (well...most drugs).

I didn't belong because I was androgynous. A combination of a tom-boyish mother and being raised by my father I'm sure. I was never taught how to do hair or makeup or to shave my legs regularly (luckily that last one wasn't an issue as I don't have very noticeable hair). This led to what would be my biggest problem when dating as it turns out, how to get people to understand that I'm a girl who's friends are all dudes.

I'm gonna start this off with a conversation I had with Josh sometime around October 2016. I was leaving his place to go to my guy friend's for some get-together and before I left I grabbed his hand and gave him a quick kiss. He held my hand and looked at me and asked softly "How many of your friends have you slept with?" and I was shocked. I scoffed and laughed and said none. The thought of sleeping with my guy friends had never crossed my mind. He nodded and I left. I found out later that he hadn't quite believed me at that point only having dated a few months (but now he does).

During the drive, I laughed at the thought of telling my friends what Josh had asked because the thought was just so funny to me. And when I told them, they found it funny too. You see, I grew up with most of these guys. Some since elementary, most since middle school and some from high school, and I'm now officially 24. We watched each other go through puberty. We watched each other go in and out of relationships. Some in my group went around the group. I always dated outside the group, except for the one time I didn't. But that's a story for another day.

This story is for my guys and their girlfriends.
Girlfriends: I don't want your man. I've known him probably the better part of a decade and if we wanted each other it would have happened by now. I'm not the enemy here. I'm another support for him. And I'd be yours too if you somehow managed to get past hating me because I too have a vagina. I'm upset with you, but I realize the responsibility doesn't lay on your shoulders completely.

Guys: Common. What the fuck. You get a girlfriend and all of a sudden you can't kick it cause she'll get mad at you? What are you, a child? She can't trust you with an old friend who the fuck you think she's gonna trust you with? Do you realize how upsetting it is that you get a girlfriend and you drop off the face of the earth until shit starts to fall apart? I wanna be present for the good moments too, not just the bad ones. Grow a pair, and stand up for me, your FRIEND. I don't like sneaking around and kicking it and having to hear y'all bitch at each other over the phone all night. Been there, done that, fucking hated it. I get it.... jealousy is a thing. But I manage to make time to see you when I'm in a relationship and I don't have to ask permission let alone hope he won't find out or be mad at me. I tell him. He say's "that's nice," or "Don't get spit roasted," or "Have fun, text me when you're home." If I manage to find the balls to stand up for my friends, why can't you?...

I'd also like to point out that I've known a lot of these guys since BEFORE their balls dropped.